How I Approach Therapy with Families

You want something to be different.

I find that almost everyone has a dream of what they wish their family was like. Some people wish their family was closer and more connected; others wish their family was less overbearing and controlling. I bet that others in your family might wish for the same things that you do. While most people have desires for a more fulfilling family life, few people are able to create that change on their own, and it is hard to know where to start. 

Families seek therapy together for many reasons: growth and strength-building, improving communication, asking for forgiveness, working through transitions like a divorce or remarriage, co-parenting support, supporting a struggling family member like a parent or a child, grieving the loss of a family member, sharing difficult news, and healing from a collective trauma. While some families come to family therapy with a specific issue, others simply say “something is off and we need help.” 

While I approach each family and each session uniquely, there are tenants that remain consistent throughout my work.

Everyone Feeling Seen: I approach family therapy with an understanding that it can feel scary to address difficult topics with everyone together. Because of this, I work hard to help everyone feel comfortable and understood. 

Guidance: I see my role in working with families as that of a guide. I act as a guide by joining the family, feeling what it is like to be part of the family, and providing insight and tools to help the family achieve their goals. This is based on the understanding that as I enter into time with the family, I will feel what it is like to be part of the system and offer insight and practical solutions. For example, let’s say that a family of four is coming to see me for help with communication. I notice that the mother and 6-year-old son are doing the majority of the talking while the father and 10-year-old daughter are less engaged. In this instance, I would work to re-balance the family’s communication through helping the family understand their current patterns, inviting the family to operate differently in the session, and introducing a new way of viewing communication in the family.

Emotional Closeness: Strengthening family members emotional bonds creates a sense of security that is important in the healing process. These bonds are many times the roots that cause and cure challenges within the family system. I help the families I work with to strengthen these emotional bonds by creating opportunities for emotional closeness, listening for the unspoken emotions within interactions, and promoting the acceptance of each member’s unique experiences within the family. Using the example provided above in the “Guidance” category, the father and daughter are likely on the outskirts of the family system because of ruptures in the emotional bonds. Creating opportunities for the family to understand their unique experiences, and promote emotional closeness will help draw them in and rebalance the family system.

Strengths: I also believe that every family has strengths. I highlight these strengths in each session and invite families to remember these strengths and view their challenges as something to feel curious about. For example, a family may be incredibly hard-working and high-achieving (strength), but not spending much time together (challenge). I work to help families identify their challenges as a way of building insight into what they are going through and why. This kind of understanding and insight can be the fuel families need in order to make changes and create the closeness they are wanting.

Family therapy is a highly effective way to help families reconnect and move toward the family relationships they are desiring. We can discuss what hopes you have for your family during a free phone consultation.